Twelve Years
by Chibi-Kari
Summary: Shelby's voice died as soon as her eyes caught sight of a little face peeking out of the doorway. Everything fell into place. It made sense that Jesse was standing outside that doorway. It made sense that he was seething at her. J/R with Shelby. R
1. Chapter 1

**Chibi-Kari**: Well, I wanted to see this story played out...and so I wrote it myself. This will be a three shot I think. Next chapter will be Jesse/Rachel interaction. I hope you guys enjoy because I don't own anything and your words of encouragement are the only things that keep me writing!

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**Twelve Years**

It had been twelve years. Twelve years and Shelby finally fell victim to the regret that seemed all consuming at times. Beth was getting older and Shelby first started to feel the distance last year. That was when the feelings started to make sense. One of her friends from Beth's daycare years told her that teenagers brought this distance with their parents. It came from a time when kids went off on their own at age 14. The kids would start spreading their wings and the parents had to let them fly, but it was during that time when they needed their parents the most. Beth was already starting to find her independence. She spent time with her friends at the mall. She had opinions about everything. And Shelby could see the teenager rearing its ugly head. And she knew she would be taking a slightly different role in her daughter's life. The role of a role model and confidant. An advice giver, but not a controller. A role she should have taken with Rachel.

It seemed that almost every day now she thought of her older daughter and how she should have done things differently. She know understood that when she expected to wipe tears and hold her daughter close like a mother does an infant that that wasn't the maternal feelings that she had. Now she could recognize that she had had maternal feelings, just the ones a mother has for a teenager. She had pushed her daughter away because it wasn't what she expected. And sadly, now she knew that she had been feeling what she should have all along. But wasn't that how things you normally see these situations? Hindsight is always 20/20.

Shelby stood up straighter and combed through her hair with her hands. The hustle and bustle of the New York street behind her shrunk in comparison to the enormity of what lay in front of her. Not the rather large apartment complex, but the idea of seeing her biological daughter. She wasn't sure what she would even say or if Rachel would talk to her. The likelihood of Rachel slamming the door in her face was daunting, but Shelby couldn't not take this chance. She had screwed up once, but this time she was going to leave things in her daughter's hands. She would let Rachel control the situation like she always should have.

Her hands shook slightly as she sent a text to her husband. She didn't think she could hear his voice without using him as a crutch and that was the last thing she needed. She had to do this alone something he understood completely. Sometimes she still couldn't believe she had married this wonderful man. This man that supported her and Beth in every way possible. This man that cared for everyone so much and kept out of a situation until he saw that he was needed. He was the one to encourage her to do this. Given her the means to do this.

_Shelby felt that overwhelming need to fold into herself again. It was the ache that she associated with Rachel. Her hand hovered over the tomato she had been cutting for the salad and couldn't even bring herself to move._

"_Shelb. What's wrong?" His voice was strong and sure. He already knew. She knew he knew._

_She couldn't turn to look at him. She couldn't do anything, especially anything that ended with her looking him in the eyes. "I should have never walked away, Will."_

_She felt him come next to her. Slowly taking the knife from her hand and laying it harmlessly next to the cutting board. "Rachel?"_

"_It just wasn't what I thought it would be. But it wasn't wrong. I was wrong. I should have been there. You were right when you told me she wasn't strong like me. I could have supported her. I-" She choked back a sob as she remembered that conversation years ago that changed everything. The day she made the decision to walk out on her daughter._

"_You know, my Dad always used to tell me something that isn't very comforting, but I think fits well here. Granted, he is the same man that burnt down our house while I was growing up." Will shook his head to disperse the fleeting thought. "'Don't waste your time on would'a should'a coulda's. What matters is what you're going to do about it now.' I can see this eating at you. This isn't new. You're not that good of an actress."_

_Shelby couldn't stop the wet laugh that escaped her mouth, "What should I do, Will?"_

_He turned her to face him, pulling him close with his hands on her hips. "What do you want to do?"_

The answer was simple. She wanted to find her daughter and talk to her. She thanked God that Will had Rachel's address from the last Christmas/Chanukah card that she sent to him. Will hadn't told Rachel he married her mother and he was extremely tight lipped about Rachel. Not that he knew much more than Shelby was able to find out via Google. It seemed her daughter had succeeded in doing what Shelby failed at. She made it to The Great White Way and dominated it.

She glanced awkwardly at the doorman before stepping through the doors into the cold lobby. It was nice and everything she dreamed about when she was trying to make it…this was the epitome of living in the Upper Eastside.

Shelby pressed the up button on the elevator several times. She was getting impatient. Every moment she stood down here she had another moment to think about what her daughter could possibly say to her. She wanted to see her 28 year old daughter standing in front of her bright eyed at least for a moment. She didn't want to live on pictures of her daughter in character anymore. She wanted to see what Rachel looked like as a person now. She wanted to see what type of woman her daughter had become.

She stopped at the door touching it lightly. She would have to handle if her daughter wanted nothing to do with her. It was her choice now. Shelby wasn't going to try and make decisions for her daughter anymore. This time the ball would be in Rachel's court and if it took her years or never to warm up to the idea of having a mother. Well, it would be Shelby's own fault and she would accept that.

Breathing deeply once again she balled her fist and rapped on the door. She was expecting to walk away from this hurt and upset. She was expecting to see her beautiful daughter shut the door in her face. She wasn't expecting what she got.

The door opened slightly and Shelby's eyes widened at the figure appearing in the doorway. "Jesse?" He was a little taller than she remembered and had a sense of manliness that he had only started gaining during his time in Vocal Adrenaline. She couldn't stop herself from being proud that he had grown into this man.

His eyes narrowed slightly as he slipped through the door and pulled it to a crack behind him. "What are you doing here?"

For a moment Shelby was taken aback. Sure, he was the only one she had lost touch with a few years back, but she didn't think he resented her. She had just come to the conclusion that Jesse St. James felt he was too big for Ohio or anyone left in it and didn't push the subject. "I-" She wasn't quite sure what to say or where to start. Or why Will had given her the wrong address. "Will must have given me the wrong-"

Jesse seemed to grow angrier. "He had no right to give you anything and you can go home right now and tell him that."

"No- not Will Jones from Vocal Adrenaline. My-" Her voice died as soon as her eyes caught sight of a little face peeking out of the doorway. Everything fell into place. It made sense that Jesse was standing outside that doorway. It made sense that he was seething at her. Will hadn't got the address wrong. The little boy peeking out the door proved that. There was no mistake that this was her grandbaby. And there was no mistake that the man in front of her was his father.

"Daddy?" He couldn't have been more than four and spoke with a strong lisp.

Jesse's eyes widened slightly as the little boy pushed through the crack in the door and grabbed hold of his pant leg. He eyed Shelby warily before turning to the little boy, "Go back inside, Tommy. Didn't Mommy say that you could help with dinner tonight?"

The little boy shook his head briskly and Jesse snatched him up into his arms as if afraid that Shelby would make a grab for him. "Savy is crying again and Mommy is trying to get her to stop. She told me to get you so you can sing her back to sleep. You'll sing me to sleep tonight won't you? You and Mommy." Jesse nodded. The little boy turned his head quickly back towards Shelby, "Who's she?" He sounded almost scandalized and Shelby had to fight the urge to laugh. Of course two of the most dramatic people in the world would have the most obstinate and dramatic child ever to grace the planet.

Jesse narrowed his eyes at her and Shelby almost felt the need to take a step back. Almost. She was still ex-director and drill sergeant of Vocal Adrenaline. He opened the door with his left hand, still balancing his son with his right. "Just someone trying to sell something we aren't buying."

Shelby watched as they turned and started through the door. The little boy's eyes found her's again. "Like those evil telemakers Mommy hates."

Jesse paused slightly, "Yeah. Just like those evil telemarketers Mommy hates."

The door slammed shut leaving Shelby in the hallway easily imagining the life she could have been a part of if she hadn't let Rachel go.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chibi-Kari:** Part 2 here with Jesse and Rachel. Last part will be Shelby and Rachel. I don't own, but I do love all my reviewers! I really do miss Jesse...Glee needs to bring him back. Finn continues to piss me off!

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**Part 2**

Jesse sighed as he raked his hands through his hair. It was getting a little too long again. Curly hair was a pain in the ass and even though Rachel seemed to love it he couldn't stand when it got too long. How he wore it as long as he did when they were younger still astounded him. Or maybe he found out the hard way that his children loved to pull on the curls and watch them bounce right back into place. He could only thank God every day that his son has Rachel's thick hair and not his. His eighteen month old daughter on the other hand was blessed with his curls. On a girl they were fine. Beautiful even…of course he never denied being bias.

He turned the corner into the living room to find his wife sprawled out on the couch with a glass of wine in hand. How he got lucky enough to get her back was still beyond him. He would love to say that it was the St. James charm, but it was probably more along the lines of the sheer determination that he went after her with. That was not an easy two years, but it was worth it. She had barely given him the time of day when they ran into each other in Central Park. She was a beautiful 20 year old that had already made a name for herself in the theatre world. He was a hopeful 22 year old just praying that he didn't waste his time in college when he could have been out in New York trying to make it. He literally bumped into her and caught her right before she hit the ground. It took all of five minutes for him to realize that she was pretending not to remember who he was. That game lasted for about six months before she finally broke down at her stage door when he came with a dozen red roses on her birthday. She had shouted at him, threw the roses in his face, and threatened that if he didn't stop showing up that she'd get a restraining order. Thank God she didn't even though he kept showing up.

She had had this favorite little coffee shop and after another few months he was able to sit quietly across from her. They wouldn't speak, but he had taken solace in the fact that she didn't send him away. Then a little over a year since that day in the park she casually commented on a couple nearby their seat in the café. It was then he knew he was in. He just had to show her that she was the only one for him and he wouldn't be that stupid child he was in high school ever again. At the two year mark he had her dating him again. Six months after that he got her to say yes to marrying him. And on her twenty third birthday he made her his wife. That was probably the hardest since she repeatedly told him that she wouldn't marry until twenty six.

And now he was blessed with her and two beautiful children. If he had anything to say about it there would soon be three. He had to give up more than a few things for her, but it was worth every second. He had no problem throwing away everyone in Vocal Adrenaline. He had no problem proving his love everyday. Hell he'd do that without her asking. He thought he would have had a harder time letting go of Shelby, but as soon as he realized that she had walked away from Rachel without looking back it was a hell of a lot easier. He could still see the hurt when it came to Shelby. She had broken down before Thomas had even been born saying that she couldn't be a mother. He had tried his best to appease her saying that she would do beautifully, but she would only repeat that she didn't have a mother so she didn't know how to be one. It was his mother that was finally able to reach her. For once in his life his mother was a Godsend. And to be honest he never thought he'd have the relationship he had with his parents before he met Rachel again. She healed his family before they even started on their own. He couldn't ask for anything more. She had given him everything he wanted and things he didn't even know he wanted with only two requests in return. Honesty and Love. Number one seemed increasingly hard tonight.

"Savannah must be getting sick. She's getting increasingly hard to get to sleep. I thought when she started sleeping through the night my stress level would go down." Rachel threw and arm over her eyes after taking a sip of her wine.

Jesse pulled her feet up before taking a seat under them and placing them right back on his lap. He looked up at the ceiling as he absent mindedly started massaging her feet. "Yeah, but when she's not like this it's a little too quiet."

Rachel scoffed before peaking out from under her arm. "If you had your way you'd just keep me barefoot and pregnant."

"I would." He acquiesced.

She moaned as he rubbed a particularly sore spot on her foot. "I love when you do that. God, I'm glad I married you."

He smiled widely. "Me too." He sighed. He knew that he had to do this now. "We had a visitor right before dinner."

"Who? It better not be the paparazzi again. I don't want my kids harassed." She started to stand.

Jesse placed his arm across her legs to keep her still. "It wasn't the paparazzi. I think after you almost hit one of them with the car almost six years ago that they're gone for good. Hell, they don't even realize we're married let alone have kids."

She nodded slightly moving back against the arm of the couch to stay in a more fitted position. "Their stupidity and my wonderful figure."

He rolled his eyes slightly. "I think your particular brand of crazy just frightens them into believing anything that our Reps tell them."

She looked offended for a second before curiosity took over. "Then who was it? Are your parents in town?"

A bright smile had broken out across her face and Jesse hated to ruin it. "No. It was Shelby."

Her brows knitted together. "As in my biological mother?"

"That's the one."

"Oh. What did she want?" It sounded nonchalant, but he knew it was anything but. She was going to dwell on this and probably track the woman down. Years ago it was the one thing Shelby got right. She knew that Rachel couldn't let sleeping dogs lie.

"I don't know. I didn't bother to ask. She seemed surprised to see me so I'm guessing it was you." He watched her face closely and saw the questions and ideas forming before she could even speak. He could see the hurt and the reminders of everything that happened. It hurt him in a way he didn't think possible. "I don't know where she's staying. I didn't ask and I don't think you should see her. You don't have to. Whatever she thinks she's doing is for her. She only ever thinks about herself-"

"Jesse." Rachel reached up and placed a hand on his arm. "I love you."

He nodded slightly and sighed. He knew her too well. "She found out where you were from your old Glee teacher. They got married you know." He shrugged slightly.

She raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know. How did you?"

He was honestly surprised by that. "Your dad told me last time they visited. I thought he had told you."

She shook her head slightly smiling. "I guess everyone just loves me too much for my own good. I'm sure it was a bit of a surprise for Shelby to run into you then. I haven't told Mr. Schue that we got married. I figured I might as well let sleeping dogs lie in that matter."

Jesse couldn't help but laugh. She just didn't want the hassle of telling him anything. A card every winter was all she could bring herself to give to him. And that was more out of a feeling of obligation. She was a little hurt over how he treated her when she and Finn ultimately ended. The older man had always favored Finn and it hurt her feelings. She knew he didn't mean anything by comforting Finn over her, but she never denied it hurt. It just seemed to add to the piles of wrongs against her back in Lima.

She stood up slowly before giving him a light kiss on the lips. "I guess I have a phone call to make then."

He grabbed her hand. "You really don't have to."

She strained a smile. "I don't have to, but I really need to."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chibi-Kari:** It may seem like a happy ending, but I tried to leave it still a bit fractured. Nothing is simple in real life and I tried to portray that while keeping Rachel's forgiving nature. And I couldn't not bring Jesse and the babies back into this chapter so we get some more Tommy! Who is based on my three year old niece who loves to call me up and read me books over the phone...much to my poor cell phone plan's allotted minutes. Anyway. This is it! Thanks for sticking with it, I don't own, and I'd love to hear your thoughts!

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**Part 3**

Rachel took a deep breath as she looked around the small coffee shop. She wasn't sure she wanted to make eye contact with the woman sitting across from her, but she really needed to. She closed her eyes slightly and wished she had allowed Jesse to come with her, but he had so little time off and she really wanted him to spend that with their kids. She gripped the hot cup of coffee in her hands, pretending the warmth was from her husband, and steeled herself as she looked up.

Shelby had aged rather gracefully and Rachel couldn't help but feel a bit of relief when it came to that. No one wanted to age horribly and it somehow eased a little bit of the nagging doubt that a few years from now she would still be able to get roles. Other than that she really didn't know what to say to Shelby. She had worked so hard to not even think about the woman and now she was face to face with her again.

Shelby cleared her throat awkwardly when it became obvious that her daughter wasn't going to say anything. It was awkward to say the least. Looking at Rachel was like looking at herself twenty years ago and that held a strangeness that she didn't know that she could quite name. And it didn't help that Rachel couldn't even look her in the eye for more than a few minutes. "So you and Jesse?"

Rachel nodded curtly. "We've been married five years now."

Shelby almost spit out the sip of coffee she'd been drinking. She knew her grandson was at least three, but for them to have been married five years meant they had reconnected a long time ago. "Wow. I didn't even realize that you guys kept in touch."

Rachel eyed her slightly before taking a sip of her drink. "We didn't. We bumped into each other right after Jesse got out of college." She smiled slightly as she remembered his practical stalking. "His persistence was just charming enough for me to let him off the hook."

Shelby nodded in slight awe as she did the math. Jesse had been back in her daughter's life for eight years. Right around the time he stopped sending updates on his life and responding to emails. It made sense now. "He always was the little charmer."

Rachel bit back a bitter comment and sighed instead. She really didn't want to fight with her. The sooner she could get this forced reunion over with the sooner she could get back to her life and family. "What are you doing here?"

Shelby gripped her cup tightly. It was game time now. She had hoped Rachel would allow her a little more small talk time before asking her this. A few more minutes to be in her presence before she would risk facing rejection. "I just wanted to see you."

Rachel opened her arms slightly. "Well you have. You could have just bought a ticket to one of my shows. Is that everything? Because I have other places I need to be and if that's it then we might as well just go." Rachel gestured lightly between the two of them. "You know what this is Shelby? This is closure. I'm allowing you that and I'm allowing myself that no matter what anyone else thinks. So if you have something else to say you need to say it now."

Shelby reached across the table blindly as if her hand could stop Rachel from leaving. "Please don't go."

Rachel watched her wearily for a moment before sitting farther back in her seat and nodding slightly. "What do you want from me?"

Shelby couldn't stop the tears from stinging her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall. Years ago Rachel hadn't let her mother see her cry and she wouldn't guilt Rachel into a relationship either. "I would eventually like your forgiveness, but right now I just want to apologize. I should have never walked away all those years ago. Everything-it-it just wasn't what I had expected. Now I know it wasn't wrong. The only wrong part was for me to walk away leaving you with a stupid cup and telling you that you weren't my family. You are my family and I want to be there for you if you ever need me. And maybe one day you'll let your babies know their grandma. We could all be a family if you want. I know Beth would love to meet you and Will would be excited to see you again. He considers you his brightest star."

Shelby watched as Rachel just stared at her slightly. It was quiet and unnerving and she wasn't sure what she was expecting. The silence had to be better than a flat out 'no', though. At least that was what she tried to convince herself as she stared at Rachel.

Rachel closed her eyes briefly before opening to make eye contact with Shelby again. "You know that's twelve years too late. Do you know I waited the entire summer after you adopted Beth for you to call? Did you know I prayed every night for you to realize that you had two daughters? Did you know how many times I needed you after you decided I wasn't family and that I didn't need you? But now? My children know their grandmother. When I need my mother Arielle St. James is a phone call away and will be in her car before I'm off the phone with her. Twelve years ago you replaced me. Didn't you think that someday I would replace you?"

Shelby felt like she had been smacked in the face. She remembered Jesse's mother. The woman didn't have a maternal bone in her body. It was unbelievable. "Jesse's mother? She was never there for him. I was more of a mother to him than she ever was. I find it hard to believe she can be bothered."

Rachel's eyes narrowed as she leaned forward. "Since the moment Jesse proposed she was there for me. She was there the moment I was sure I'd be a horrible mother because I didn't even know what one was. She was there when I miscarried our first baby. She was there in the hospital room with me when I gave birth to both of my kids. She comes to all of Tommy's piano recitals and never misses an opening night for Jesse or me. When I need a late night call of reassurance she's there. Last night after Jesse told me you were here the first call I made was to her. I wasn't sure if I really should see you and Jesse didn't want me to. I called Arielle and she supported me and encouraged me in my decision. I wouldn't even be here right now if it wasn't for her, so please watch your tongue."

Shelby nodded mutely. "I'm sorry." It wasn't really for speaking against Jesse's mom, but for everything that she left her daughter alone to deal with. All the heartbreak and rejection that she didn't prepare her for.

Rachel sighed slightly. She knew what Shelby really meant. "I know you are. I can see it."

Rachel glanced out the window and almost jumped when she saw Tommy with his little face pressed against the glass waving at her frantically. Jesse stood next to him holding Savannah in his arms smiling at her slightly. He always got a little protective, but at least he was showing his support. Rachel turned back to see Shelby staring blankly at her coffee cup. Maybe this wasn't the best idea, but that rejection years ago was the hardest thing for her to move past. Hurting family like that wasn't fair and it was a type of scar that could never be erased. Her family was scarred enough. She didn't need to add any more. She gestured lightly to Jesse who just raised his eyebrow in return. She couldn't help, but smile as he shook his head slightly when she nodded. Jesse didn't like change unless it was him getting a new part on stage or a new baby.

"Now that I'm a mother I know how important forgiveness and acceptance is. I'll never be okay with what you did back then, but I forgave you a long time ago. I had to. You can't have an active part in my life. I can't just let you waltz in and disrupt my children's lives and then walk away when you want to."

Shelby's eyes widened. "I wouldn't. I wouldn't do-"

Rachel raised a hand to silence her. "What my dads did when they had you sign that contract was wrong. You were family and they had no right to cut you out like that. And you had no right to cut me out of your life sixteen years after that. And right now I have no right to cut you out of my life. You are family and I won't do that. I refuse to ever hurt anyone like that especially family, but you can't just come around whenever you want. You don't have a say in anything unless I specifically ask you. That's all I can give you."

"Mommy!"

Rachel turned slightly as she pulled Tommy, who had run straight across the café to her, up into her lap. "Hi, baby." She smiled brightly as Tommy placed a slobbery kiss on her lips.

Shelby didn't take her eyes off her daughter and grandson until a chair slid next to Rachel's and Jesse and sat down pulling their daughter into his lap.

Tommy looked at Shelby before turning at Jesse. "Daddy? Why is the evil telemaker here?"

Rachel laughed before turning her eyes to meet her husband. He looked sheepish. "Evil telemaker?"

Jesse glanced over at Shelby before cracking a smile. "Misunderstanding."

Rachel nodded looking unconvinced. "I'm sure." She tickled Tommy slightly causing her son to look up at her. "This isn't an evil telemaker, Tommy. This is your grandma."

Tommy stared at Shelby for almost a minute with his eyebrow raised. Shelby couldn't help thinking that he looked just like his father when he did that. Tommy suddenly turned back to his mom in confusion. "Are you sick, Mommy? That's not Grandma."

Jesse couldn't help but break out into laughter. "Oh, Tommy. That's not my mom. It's your mom's mom. Grandma Shelby."

Tommy narrowed his eyes at Shelby before looking back at his parents. "So you're saying I have two grandmas and three grandpas?"

Rachel raised a questioning eye to Shelby. "Will?"

Shelby smiled slightly before reaching forwards and placing her hand on Tommy's little arm. "They're saying that you have two grandmas and four grandpas. You just haven't met Grandpa Will yet. Or your Aunt Beth."

Tommy's eyes widened as he seemed to realize something. "You give presents right?"

Rachel's eyes widened as Jesse started to laugh. Rachel glared at Jesse slightly before turning back to her son. "Tommy!"

Shelby laughed. "I think all grandparents do. Next time I see you I'll make sure to have one."

"And for Savvy, too. She needs presents, too." Tommy insisted glancing at his sister who had yet to make a peep even though Tommy was practically vibrating right next to her.

"And Savvy, too." Shelby raised her eyebrow. She hoped that Savvy was a nickname.

"Savannah. She's eighteen months." Jesse bounced her slightly and she let out a small giggle. "She's a quiet one. I'm not really sure where it comes from." He laughed again before nudging Rachel with his elbow causing her to playfully glare at him.

"And I'm three!" Tommy announced brightly. "When will we see you again? And Grandpa Will and Aunt Beth?"

Shelby just looked at Rachel. Everything was on her terms. She wanted a chance to reconcile and she would take whatever Rachel was willing to give her. She knew it was harder for Rachel to do this than it seemed.

Rachel and Jesse shared a look over their kids. He still didn't quite approve, but she knew he did miss Shelby. Shelby really had been like a mother to him when he was in his teenage years. Everything was complicated it had to be settled slowly.

Rachel nodded slightly before leaning Tommy sideways to look at her. "Maybe over Thanksgiving break when we see my daddies. Would you like that?"

Tommy smiled brightly and nodded before he turned to smile at his new grandma.

Shelby nodded to Rachel. "I think that would be nice."

Rachel stood pulling Tommy up to rest on her hip. "We'll call you."

Shelby couldn't stop herself from smiling as she watched the St. James family make their way on to the street Tommy chattering animatedly as Rachel and Jesse laughed along with what he was saying. She was proud that they had something good and she was thankful that they were letting her be a part of it…a small part, but a part none-the-less.


End file.
